the internets are in your brain, stealing your freedumz

Back in the day the Internet consisted of two parts: (1) porn, and (2) advertisements for porn. People would say they used the Internet for “research” but we know they were masturbating to Internet porn.

Then along came a little website called MySpace Facebook (“facebook” or “fb”), knocking #2 off its pedestal, so that the Internet internets became one part porn and one part Facebook fb. With the top contender knocked down a notch, Google swooped in and took over the other constituent, again transforming the internets into two new parts: (1) Google, and (2) fb.

“What about lolcats?” you ask, or, “WHAT ABOUT MY FRIKKIN PRON??!!!11” Porn Pron is now found via Google using such tools as “Google Image Search” or “Google Video Search” and thus pron is now a subsidiary of Google. Lolcats remain more prolific than ever, but only through their conduits, Google and fb. No one can deny the compelling awesomeness of Lolcats, pron, fb and Google combined, which is why we invented smartphones, so that we could increasingly ignore reality in favor of lolcats, anywhere in the world, 24/7. Which leads us to this conclusory, if not rhetorical, question: What did people do before lolcats?

 

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